TW: A Poem to honour suicide prevention week

For Drew's dad (and a thank you to Drew for letting me share it here)

Photo by Steven Van Loy on Unsplash

It’s suicide prevention week and so with Drew’s permission I am sharing this poem. I have shared it on Instagram but I wanted to share it here too, for all my members (paid and free) maybe you can share this with someone who needs it? Drew lost his Dad when he was 10, and so this last Father’s Day been, I wrote a poem for him from Drew’s perspective. Father’s Day is always one of those days slightly punctuated by loss for us, Drew doesn’t talk about him often but then sometimes when he comes up we talk for ages.
I obviously didn’t know him but I think about what life would be like with him in it, how his presence is deeply missed and how he is in fact missing the most.
I don’t know what he was going through, but I imagine the hurt was so big that it made him feel so small. But he was so very loved.

Remember, the world is always better for you in it, and the lives around you will always be better for you in it too.

(a thank you to Drew for letting me share)

I Wish You Had Stayed

I don’t blame you dad

But I wish you had stayed 

Maybe some time would have banished the grey.

You could have met my kids.

Seen the life that I made.

I don’t blame you dad,

But I wish you had stayed.

Sometimes I chat away to the clouds 

Just to hear that you love me

And tell me you’re proud.

I’m sorry you were hurting, I wasn’t to know

I was ten after all, lots of growing to grow.

But I think of you often, especially today.

I don’t blame you dad,

But I wish you had stayed.

I could do with advice, man to man

I could do with a hug, dad to dad 

Mum often says that I’m like you a bit, 

my brother has your looks, and I’ve got your wit.

I look at old photos, we’re now the same age.

I don’t blame you dad,

But I wish you had stayed.

We’re doing real good, 

I wish you could meet my wife, 

our wedding was beautiful, 

we have a happy life. 

Mum’s doing good too, she talks of you still,

but there is a hole in her heart that will never be filled. 

Is it your laugh I have? 

Does my voice sound like yours? 

I wish that I could go back to before.

When I was little and I wouldn’t sleep 

this is a memory I’ll always keep, 

before the world woke it was just you and I,

our big sleepy hair, your hand in mine.

When I was with you, I was never afraid.

I don’t blame you dad,

But I wish you had stayed.

I can change a tyre , I can cook a meal 

Mum’s taught me a lot 

And together we’ve healed 

I wished for you in crowds

There were moments I’d grieve

I’d get angry and wonder

How you could just leave

I was too young to know where it all went wrong.

Did the weight feel too heavy?

Too much to hold on?

I wish you’d held out for the warmer weather.

“See dad” I’d say

“I told you it’d get better”

But I’ll take you with us, I’ll never let you fade.

I’ll always love you dad.

I just wish you had stayed.

Sending love and healing to anyone who can relate x