A little love note to a new mum
rebirth
I lay there after giving birth, my tummy empty, heart full.
I lay there, crying tears of joy, of silent shock.
So this is love, and I was wrapped up in it.
A new life, my rebirth.
I wondered how women did this every day, suddenly thinking of my own mother, and all the mothers before me. How truly incredible our bodies are. Even as the strength within me seemed to collapse, it somehow kept going,
and growing,
bringing him to me.
And as I traced this perfect little human’s face with my mind, I realised I would never be the same, how could I possibly? It was a love so big it was terrifying.
I was completely un-done. Like a veil had been lifted, a different existence entirely.
Suddenly I felt more needed than ever before, I could feel my heart beat with that responsibility under his weight.
Mine, but not mine to keep.
Mine to guide and love,
Mine to hold on and let go.
My everything.
I was softer, I was stronger, I was rearranged and yet I made more sense than ever.
No one tells you how it feels in that very moment to know your world has completely changed, how suddenly it’s as if every thought and decision, every breath has them at the centre of it all. How each cry will rattle you, change you, teach you. How each gaze will calm and connect you.
No one tells you that once they’re in your arms it’s the only place that feels right, and instinctively you’ll know the landscape of them before you scoop them up in the small hours of the morning.
Like you’ve known each other all along.
Meant for each other, made of each other, and you’re growing in ways you will only see when you look at photographs one day.
No matter how you birthed your baby, you brought them into this world, you gave them life, and every day from this moment forward,
That is what they will give to you.
Remember on the harder days, they chose you. x